when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
