you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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