there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
