If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
