i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
