Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
