my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
