How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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