Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
