You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
