We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
