whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
