I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
