I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
