I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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