..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i barfeds in our rink
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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