Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i wish my penis had a tongue
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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