I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
