K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
