This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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