We're facebook friends in real life
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
