Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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