Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
