so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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