i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
