chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My vagina just recognized that song.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
