Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
