I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
