hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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