this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
