The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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