You just made me feel so damn special
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
