If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
