Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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