are you still at the devil's house?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
