im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
