Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
