I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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