Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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