I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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