do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
