my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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