I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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