the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
