i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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