So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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