just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
