the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
they're like a gay fantastic four
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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