he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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