The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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