video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
