I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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