So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
