i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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